Sequin shirt? Thrifted
Boots? Modern Vintage, Winners
Lighting? Half truck headlights and half flash.
It sounds like a punch line but the more I think about it, I think it's no coincidence that I started my blog at about the same time that all my friends got pregnant. And now, a year and a half later, they all have babies and I have a blog. When I say 'all' my friends got pregnant, I am exaggerating only a little. Because while I have friends from many different aspects (work, school...) of my life, the girls in my core group of friends (you know, the friends that you have unspoken plans with every weekend and hang out with way. too. much.?) all did get pregnant within 3 months of each other. And so for the last year and a half, I have spent many parties sitting in the inevitable pregnancy or breastfeeding circle, clutching my wine glass in my one hand and the wine bottle firmly in the other. Perhaps it is cruel to drink in front of those who can't but when the conversation is 97% about nausea, cloth diapers vs. disposable, teething and nap schedules (this part I do not exaggerate, it really is 97%... please admit this...), I turn to my wine for relief. I am just not ready for that stage of my life yet but everyone in my life is at that stage already.
And because in Canada, there is a year maternity leave, these girls would often get together for play dates while I was at work. This is obviously perfectly natural and to be honest, I think that I, in turn, found a bit of an escape in the blogging community. A community who thinks it's normal to gush over the latest vintage treasure and that hiking in heels to find the perfect picture spot is just another day in the life of... I love this community and I love blogging but I do miss the carefree friendships of just a few years ago.
I have been sitting on this post for a while. After all, who really wants to admit that babies make them bitter? When I have nothing to write about, the words spill forth in a sarcastic fountain but when I approach a serious post, I struggle to write my thoughts in a fair way. The bottom line is that I have felt really left out this last year. My life changed so much without anything in my life changing (know what I mean?)... and I say that acknowledging that my friends lives changed even more but that was through an active change they made themselves. I can say in full confidence that I am a great friend, I have always taken friendship very seriously (when Matt and I started dating way back, I would often take a friend with me because they weren't in a serious relationship at the time and there was no way I was letting one of my girls stay in on a Friday night...) but this whole bitterness thing is infecting me. When my head is clear, I know that my friends would never mean for me to feel that my childless life isn't important, but in my frustration, the lack of phone calls, the lack of interest and the half-assed birthday wishes on my Facebook wall really stung. And I let these hurt feelings fester... never good. And I want it to stop because the frown lines on my forehead will soon need Botox and we haven't budgeted for that expense until 2016.
So, I am working on banishing the anger and trying to have more empathy for their schedule and their daily struggles and in return I seek 10% serious conversation, 8% political discussions and 12% pure frivolous talk... I can handle 70% baby talk. In fact, I am almost an expert by now.
And what does this post have to do with this outfit? I wore this out when I started 'dating' one of my close friends again. Gone are the days that I can make a bored phone call and end up with a friend on my couch after a night of random fun. Now, we schedule. Sometimes, a month in advance. But it works and it's good to just go out because I miss these girls and I think they miss me too. Because as long as I'm not a Bitter Betty, I'm a fun kid.
And the best part of going out was that my friend and I showed up in very similar outfits... without an advance high school outfit planning phone call. Black boots, distressed jeans, casual jacket and side slung bag... Turns out that we still share a wavelength... and a love for sweet potato fries.